In the beginning, I was vaguely aware of the impact working the Say NO to Fear challenge would have on not only me, but those around me. Don't get me wrong. I went in knowing that everything I was afraid of (even those fears I had long forgotten) would come up over and over again. And I was fully aware that I would not only fall down, but would get knocked down at every turn. In short, I knew I had a fight on my hands.
It's not like I just started doing all this self work five minutes ago. Let's face facts here. I've been around the block a few times in this respect. Studying, researching, meditating, etc. been doing it for years. Not only that, I have been providing spiritual counseling and psychic readings for what seems like forever. But even so, I was completely shocked by the results of working this challenge. And yes, I still have a long, long, long, LONG way to go!
2009 -- Change Cometh
In the beginning, I didn't notice any real changes at first. In fact, with everything that was going on in my life I was literally on the verge of just giving up. I kept thinking ... "who in the hell am I fooling? This shit doesn't work!" However, something inside of me whispered-- Keep going. Persistence is the key! that little voice kept saying. And so I did. I just kept going!
It wore me out dealing with every fear I had or ever had. All of it just kept coming to the surface, pummeling me with their words and feelings. Each syllable just as hateful, hurtful and downright nasty in my mind as they were when first inititated. Voices from the past kept repeating their rhetoric in my head leaving me in in constant doubt. Ah! Doubt my ever present, dutiful and faithful companion during this initial process. oy!
As if that weren't enough ... my entire home life was falling apart. It was a frickin' nightmare! There were times when I half expected Freddy Krueger to show up! I kid you not! It was that bad!
October 2009 was the turning point for me. It was a month of intense challenges, as my family began falling apart at a rapid pace. My oldest son found himself in the midst of a nasty custody battle of his infant daughter (born on October 1). His then girlfriend decided she didn't want the baby nor did she want him to have it, so she handed the baby over to the state. It's been a living hell for all of us. As his mother, I have had to stand back and out of the way. I never felt so helpless in all my life.
On October 12th, I fell in the bathroom sustaining three broken ribs, a fractured hip and bruised kidney. Two days later I get a telephone call from an acquaintance who provided an unsolicited assessment as to why my family was having these problems and why I fell. Her reasons? Everything that happened was all due to my being arrogant, obnoxious and a know it all. *sigh* Of course it was!
These were only some of the things that transpired during this time. Let's just say ... October 2009 is a time I will not soon forget!
Now why did I bring this all up? Three reasons.
One, it was during this time I put into practice of minding my own business. As a parent, we tend to believe/think that we know more than our children. That we can fix their problems. It's an occupational hazard!
My oldest son knows I am here for him, that I will do all I know and all that is within my power to help in any way. But I know, as does he, that the best thing I can do for him is to get out of his way and allow him to work through the process in his own way.
It wasn't easy. It still isn't. But I am practicing of allowing. oy!
The second reason, we all came in with a chart--an outline--of what we would experience during our journey as humans. This includes all of us! As a parent, we tend to forget that our children have these charts as well. They, like us, came in with the intent of learning through experiences.
Appreciating the lessons of another isn't always easy. Especially, and in particularly, when it comes to one's own children. Honoring the paths of others is what I came to remember, to know and to practice. Not easy! No one said it would be!
The third reason, I learned to slow down, to pay attention, to listen. (That fall really slowed me down ... let me tell ya! oy!) I was reminded to look beyond my feelings and see the message and the opportunities it brings for continued expanded awareness.
Again, I already knew alot of this stuff. But it wasn't until October when I really began to understand on a soul level.
But it didn't stop there. Oh no! Little did I know at that particular time, my expanded awareness was on the verge of getting a profound tweaking!
On Friday, November 6th my beloved fur baby Zaffis da'Cat was brutally and viciously killed. (Zaffis da'Cat was named in honor of my cherished friend John Zaffis). Zaffis was born on November 8, 2005. I was present when that beautiful soul came into this world. I was there when he took his last breath.
To make a rather long and painful story short, the person involved in the killing of not only my fur baby, but countless others, has been brought to justice. Unfortunately Rodger, the dog this individual used to do all the killing, a beautiful pit bull, was put down on November 9, 2010.
2009 -- Change Cometh
In the beginning, I didn't notice any real changes at first. In fact, with everything that was going on in my life I was literally on the verge of just giving up. I kept thinking ... "who in the hell am I fooling? This shit doesn't work!" However, something inside of me whispered-- Keep going. Persistence is the key! that little voice kept saying. And so I did. I just kept going!
It wore me out dealing with every fear I had or ever had. All of it just kept coming to the surface, pummeling me with their words and feelings. Each syllable just as hateful, hurtful and downright nasty in my mind as they were when first inititated. Voices from the past kept repeating their rhetoric in my head leaving me in in constant doubt. Ah! Doubt my ever present, dutiful and faithful companion during this initial process. oy!
As if that weren't enough ... my entire home life was falling apart. It was a frickin' nightmare! There were times when I half expected Freddy Krueger to show up! I kid you not! It was that bad!
October 2009 was the turning point for me. It was a month of intense challenges, as my family began falling apart at a rapid pace. My oldest son found himself in the midst of a nasty custody battle of his infant daughter (born on October 1). His then girlfriend decided she didn't want the baby nor did she want him to have it, so she handed the baby over to the state. It's been a living hell for all of us. As his mother, I have had to stand back and out of the way. I never felt so helpless in all my life.
On October 12th, I fell in the bathroom sustaining three broken ribs, a fractured hip and bruised kidney. Two days later I get a telephone call from an acquaintance who provided an unsolicited assessment as to why my family was having these problems and why I fell. Her reasons? Everything that happened was all due to my being arrogant, obnoxious and a know it all. *sigh* Of course it was!
These were only some of the things that transpired during this time. Let's just say ... October 2009 is a time I will not soon forget!
Now why did I bring this all up? Three reasons.
One, it was during this time I put into practice of minding my own business. As a parent, we tend to believe/think that we know more than our children. That we can fix their problems. It's an occupational hazard!
My oldest son knows I am here for him, that I will do all I know and all that is within my power to help in any way. But I know, as does he, that the best thing I can do for him is to get out of his way and allow him to work through the process in his own way.
It wasn't easy. It still isn't. But I am practicing of allowing. oy!
The second reason, we all came in with a chart--an outline--of what we would experience during our journey as humans. This includes all of us! As a parent, we tend to forget that our children have these charts as well. They, like us, came in with the intent of learning through experiences.
Appreciating the lessons of another isn't always easy. Especially, and in particularly, when it comes to one's own children. Honoring the paths of others is what I came to remember, to know and to practice. Not easy! No one said it would be!
The third reason, I learned to slow down, to pay attention, to listen. (That fall really slowed me down ... let me tell ya! oy!) I was reminded to look beyond my feelings and see the message and the opportunities it brings for continued expanded awareness.
Again, I already knew alot of this stuff. But it wasn't until October when I really began to understand on a soul level.
But it didn't stop there. Oh no! Little did I know at that particular time, my expanded awareness was on the verge of getting a profound tweaking!
On Friday, November 6th my beloved fur baby Zaffis da'Cat was brutally and viciously killed. (Zaffis da'Cat was named in honor of my cherished friend John Zaffis). Zaffis was born on November 8, 2005. I was present when that beautiful soul came into this world. I was there when he took his last breath.
To make a rather long and painful story short, the person involved in the killing of not only my fur baby, but countless others, has been brought to justice. Unfortunately Rodger, the dog this individual used to do all the killing, a beautiful pit bull, was put down on November 9, 2010.
I just wanted this person to FEEL. To feel ... to reconnect to his humanity ... and come into an understanding. But what I got instead was my own sense of understanding on a soul level. It wasn't easy. No one said it would be. I fought this feeling as it began washing over me in waves. As it did, an unimaginable calm filled me.
In the calmness, I began to understand. What was perceived as a needless, reckless and utterly useless act was in fact a lesson in forgiveness. If the sacrifices of Zaffis, Rodger and all those other animals were to mean anything ... anything at all ... I had to make a choice.
Would I succumb to the perpetuation of fear, hatred and needless acts of violence just for a few moments of personal gratification? Or would I practice the art of forgiveness and seek justice in a more peaceful manner?
I think you already know the answer to those questions.
The choice I made sent out a message to the rest of the neighborhood. And that message was ... if we are to see any positive changes in the world ... we must first BE that change! And so it was ... and so it is!
And no my friends ... it wasn't easy. Even now as I sit here typing this out, I am crying. I'm still working on letting go of that pain. And I know ... in time ... I will. Their sacrifice will not be in vain. I will continue to rise above my own fears. You bet I will!
The death of Zaffis da'Cat and Rodger the Pit Bull brought me into an even greater expansion of awareness. I was able to see where I needed to make some rather important adjustments. There were apologies to be made ... and I have made them. My resolve to continue my reconnection of my True Self, to continue shedding the old ways, to face my own fears and just say NO has been strengthen beyond measure.
The gratitude I feel for these two courageous souls cannot be expressed by mere words.
I know where they are ... there is no more fear of being hurt. I have seen them both, running side by side playing, jumping in huge piles of leaves, enjoying their peace. They are joined by all the other animals who have returned Home. It is most assuredly a Blessed Reunion of Souls. A beautiful sight to behold. In that moment as they become aware of my presence, Zaffis gives out an aaaack (he couldn't meow) to let me know he sees me. He sticks out his tongue and then scurries off to chase a butterfly.
A sense of Peace fills me. I know he and all the others are safe now.
Concluding Comments
I can only imagine the changes that occur in 2010 will be even more significant. But I can say with confidence ... I'm off to a good start!
Be sure to tune in to my my show, Namaste Beloved!™ (air date January 15, 2010, 9-11 p.m. Eastern) as I go into further detail of my personal story in working the Say NO To Fear challenge.
The gratitude I feel for these two courageous souls cannot be expressed by mere words.
I know where they are ... there is no more fear of being hurt. I have seen them both, running side by side playing, jumping in huge piles of leaves, enjoying their peace. They are joined by all the other animals who have returned Home. It is most assuredly a Blessed Reunion of Souls. A beautiful sight to behold. In that moment as they become aware of my presence, Zaffis gives out an aaaack (he couldn't meow) to let me know he sees me. He sticks out his tongue and then scurries off to chase a butterfly.
A sense of Peace fills me. I know he and all the others are safe now.
Concluding Comments
I can only imagine the changes that occur in 2010 will be even more significant. But I can say with confidence ... I'm off to a good start!
Be sure to tune in to my my show, Namaste Beloved!™ (air date January 15, 2010, 9-11 p.m. Eastern) as I go into further detail of my personal story in working the Say NO To Fear challenge.
Take the Challenge! Say NO! To Your Fears!
I mean ... what do you have to lose?
About Julia K. Cole
What can you expect from someone who considers Putting Reality Back Into Spirituality a personal calling? Straight forward answers that lead to life-changing experiences on a soul level!
Known as The Empress of the Known & Unknown Universes™, Julia brings enlightenment and inspiration around the globe by providing spiritual guidance to those seeking a deeper understanding.
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